Writings

Christmas Carol

by Kim Young Ha, translated by C. La Shure

But it was all in his imagination. Yeong-su didn’t do anything. Before he could take those thoughts any further Jung-gweon and Jeong-sik arrived at the appointed place, and their awkward meeting began. Jin-suk's sudden appearance was a cause of great discomfort for all three of the men. They had believed that she had completely disappeared. They were even thankful for it. Who would have thought she would leave for a distant land as soon as they graduated? Actually, they had even forgotten the fact that she had disappeared. So when the foolish girl of their youth returned as an environmental activist, there was no way they could simply accept it. And it was even harder for them to bear the absurdity of all of them being in the same place at the same time.

The power relationship between the four of them had now clearly changed. Now she summoned the three of them and led the meeting. This was possible because of the nature of their relationships. She knew each of them individually, but none of the men knew what sort of relationship the other two had with Jin-suk. They could only guess. And though they had denied the very existence of their relationships, they could no longer deny them now that Jin-suk had returned. Thus it was natural that the initiative would pass to Jin-suk.

Although they did not speak of it, there was probably not a single one of them that didn’t feel the desire to murder Jin-suk as she coolly exposed their disgrace. That is why, when Jin-suk was murdered, they could not help but slowly look at their own hands. ‘Could it be that I, without knowing it, stabbed her? Did I really take a taxi straight home last night?’ In fact, Jin-suk had already been murdered many times in their dreams. There was no end to her blood. There was no atoning for their sin. One cannot repent of a sin one hasn’t committed, and they hadn’t killed her, so how could they repent? In order to be able to cope with arrest by the powers that be, that is, so they wouldn’t make a slip of the tongue in a possible police investigation, they never sought to atone for their sin. Instead, they paid the price for it in their dreams. Their dreams were always dreams of great fear, and in waking they were no less fearful.

Yeong-su arrived at his house in this fearful state of mind, stealing a furtive glance behind him. He couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was staring at him through binoculars. He felt that he was being watched, and that feeling bordered on paranoia. After carefully examining his surroundings, he pushed the doorbell. The door opened, and the smell of bean sprouts wafted out from within the house. His wife opened the door without a word, returned to the living room and sat down in front of the television.

“Did anyone call?” Yeong-su asked.

“Humph. Were you expecting a call? No one called,” Suk-gyeong answered curtly. “Did the co-conspirators’ meeting go well?” she asked cuttingly.

Yeong-su started to get angry but held back. But Suk-gyeong didn’t stop there.

“Well, the police haven’t raided our home yet, so I guess intelligent criminals really are different.”

This time Yeong-su could stand it no longer, and he went to stand in front of Suk-gyeong. His face was so twisted that she could not help being frightened.

“Turn off the television.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Suk-gyeong protested.

“I said turn off the television!”

Suk-gyeong turned off the television. As soon as it was off, Yeong-su went into their bedroom and laid down on the bed. Suk-gyeong turned the television back on. The news was on the cable news channel, but there were no more reports about the murder at the Changcheon-dong inn. Well, it’s not like one girl getting stabbed to death is such a big deal. The news was now urgently reporting on the large illegal loans taken out by venture companies and the restructuring of the banks.

Suk-gyeong got up and went to her husband in their bedroom. “Why don’t you take a vacation? Maybe visit your hometown?”

Yeong-su shot up. “What is wrong with you? That’s something a criminal would do! Me, the only thing I did wrong was to have a drink with Jin-suk. That’s all.”

Suk-gyeong’s eyes flashed. “A drink? You had a drink? With Jin-suk? Oh ho! And when was this?”

Yeong-su bowed his head. “The 15th.”

“The 15th? Wasn’t that the night Jin-suk was killed? Are you sure you should even be sitting around at home like this?”

Yeong-su sprang up, grabbed Suk-gyeong by the hair and threw her down on the bed.

Suk-gyeong screamed. “Go ahead! Kill me! Kill me! One more isn’t going to make a difference, is it?!”

Yeong-su jumped on top of her and pressed down on her throat, and she began to choke. But he couldn’t keep it up for long.

“Idiot,” Suk-gyeong spat coldly as she pushed Yeong-su aside, got up and left the room.

Lying on the bed, Yeong-su thought, ‘I didn’t even lay a finger on Jin-suk, and here we are acting like this. There is not a single reason for me to feel guilty. That bitch.’

The last curse was directed at his wife, Suk-gyeong. ‘You’d think she could be a little more understanding when her husband is faced with a crisis like this. Intelligent criminals are different, she says? It’s almost as if she wishes I had actually committed the murder. Really... maybe I should just leave the country. Gather up all our belongings and emigrate to Canada, the land of dreams, just like that. We’d see how proud that bitch would be then.’

Just then Yeong-su’s cell phone rang.

“It’s Jeong-sik.” He spoke shortly. “Turn on the television.”

Yeong-su fumbled around for the remote control and turned on the small bedroom television set.

“Channel 7.”

The screen showed Jung-gweon being taken from the police station under arrest. The news ended with that clip, so it was impossible to learn the details.

“What happened?” Yeong-su asked.

“They said on the news that Jung-gweon killed her.”

Yeong-su asked mechanically, “Jung-gweon? Why?”

Jeong-sik replied weakly in a voice devoid of tension, and thus just a little regretful. “Who knows? According to the police, he harbored a grudge against her for not meeting him, but as you know, we had a drink together that night.”

Yeong-su clucked his tongue. “They probably meant that she wouldn’t meet him alone. Anyway, Jung-gweon, he’s finished now.”

“Not just him, either. What about Jin-suk, returning home after all that time? He finished her, too. So, are you OK? Well, you said your wife knows all about it... I guess there’s no way you’d be OK.”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. But here’s the strange thing: why don’t we feel relieved? Damn it, I don’t have a single drop of blood on my hands!”

Jeong-sik exploded. “Neither do I! Damn it, life is just like that!” He continued, “Anyway, I haven’t been able to sleep for the past few days. I feel like I’m dead on my feet. Now I think I’ll stretch out and go to sleep. OK, keep in touch.”

They hung up. Yeong-su went out into the living room and went over to his wife, who was pouting and staring at the television.

“Look,” he said tenderly. “It’s Christmas, right? Do you want to go get a tree at Namdaemun Market?”

His wife looked at him, confused. Yeong-su continued with an exaggerated tone and gestures, like some wise man from the East bearing glad tidings. “Jin-suk... they said that Jung-gweon killed her. It was just on the news. The bastard should have called us or something. We were worried for nothing!”

Suk-gyeong stared at Yeong-su for a moment, and then spit out her words in a mixture of regret and scorn. “Some wonderful friends you are.”

Yeong-su fought back his anger and tried again. “Do you want to buy a tree or not?”

Suk-gyeong didn’t answer.

“Forget it then!” Yeong-su shouted angrily and went into the bathroom. As he washed his hands the water turned red as blood. ‘I didn’t kill her.’ He lifted his head to look at the mirror and saw a beast-like man standing there staring back at him.

Out in the living room, Suk-gyeong screamed, “I told you to put that down!”

Santa Claus is coming to town.... Apparently their child had opened the red Christmas card Jin-suk had sent. This was followed by the sound of his wife tearing the card to bits. But the monotonous electronic carol from the built-in Chinese music chip droned on. Before he knew it, Yeong-su began to hum along with the melody. Santa Claus knows. He knows who’s been bad and who’s been good. And he’s coming tonight. La la la la la la.

Suk-gyeong rummaged through the trash to find the tenacious music chip that she had thrown out, opened the veranda window, and tossed the chip out. Santa Claus is coming to town—the Christmas carol that would continue to play obstinately until the battery was fully exhausted. Of course, it was only a monotonous melody, never to be heard again by Suk-gyeong and Yeong-su.